Spiritual Love and Relationship with God

As we begin this discussion about spiritual love, let me ask you to think about something a bit unusual. Imagine just for a moment, that you found Aladdin’s magic lamp. You rubbed it and out popped the genie who offered to grant you three wishes. Now apart from wishing for more wishes, what wishes would you make? Would you wish for life to fall into place for you?  Would you wish for wealth?  Would you wish for Mr. or Ms. Right?  Would you wish for a job or career that would make you happy? For more well-behaved kids?  Would you wish for good things to happen to others? How about seeing the jerks in the world get what they deserve? Don't answer yet, think about it for a minute. 

Okay, so there is no such thing in your life or mine as Aladdin’s lamp or a genie, and we aren’t going to get three wishes.  So, I have to ask myself and you might ask yourself about the things you would have wished for.  Why don’t you and I have those things in our lives right now?  Are they unattainable, ridiculous, or frivolous desires?  Have we not been working hard enough for them?  Do we not deserve them?  I look around at all the people I know who work hard and postpone entire aspects of their lives so they can get ahead, and they don’t seem to be any happier than the ones who just do enough to get by.  And sometimes the ones who seem to least deserve it get the most material rewards. What's up with that?  It seems frustrating, annoying, and grossly unfair.

But I think this may be where the problem lies. There is a prevailing message in our world that life is really “all about me,” and if I am not getting the things and the rewards out of life I really want, then I must be doing something wrong?  

Why aren’t we the people we want to be?  I’m not talking about the trivial parts of us like looks or weight, or the neurotic parts that get preoccupied with negative comments from others, or even the self-absorbed disappointment we might feel over not having achieved some level of accomplishment or greatness at this time in life.  If life is all about our shining individuality, then why are we so disappointed at the prospect that what we have achieved and experienced so far may be all that there is?  Why do many of us have this nagging feeling that there must be more to my life, and why can’t we just find it or make it happen?

What really is the problem?   

As a child, one of my favorite cartoon characters was Popeye the Sailor.  For those of you who are too young to know about him, Popeye wasn’t a super-hero, like most cartoon characters are now. Popeye was a simple, seafaring, spinach-eating, Olive Oyl-loving, pipe-smoking sailor man who was also something of a philosopher. He seemed to have a handle on the problem of why people didn’t get what they wanted out of life, and he used to say it often.  “I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I yam, I’m Popeye the Sailor Man. Toot, toot.”  What he might as well have been saying was “there is no point in getting your hopes up,” and “there is no point in expecting too much out of life,” as there is little to no chance, I will ever be what I yam not. In other words, this is my life, and it is as good as it is going to get.  

If life really is all about me, then I am what I am, and this is all I ever will be. So, no matter how limiting or disappointing that might be to you, or to me, or to both of us, then that’s just the way it is. As far as I could tell, Popeye didn’t know anything about God, or at least he wasn’t a believer in much of anything except spinach.  And while spinach helped him defeat his enemies, it didn’t do much for the quality of his life or relationships.  

So, if Popeye was clueless, and life is not about us individually, then what is it about?

Well, as you might guess, my answer is going to be, it’s about God and our relationship with God. I write and talk about spiritual life and the positive differences spirituality makes for all of us. What else am I going to say?

But the problem for most of us is that while we can honestly say that we believe in God, and may even actually experience a relationship with God, we might not have a clue as to what difference that relationship does or should make in our lives. I believe in the crab nebula, and galaxies far, far away, but they have no direct impact, that I know of, on my life right now. And that’s the way a great number of people understand their relationship with God.

So, let’s put spiritual love into some kind of tangible perspective.

Let me ask you to think about where you allow God to be present and active in your life?

Well, your answer might be, “Anywhere God wants to be.” But in reality, that isn’t true for most of us, and God isn’t pushy enough to force God’s presence on anyone who isn’t completely open to it. You see, the kind of relationship God wants with us is a deep, meaningful, and intimate relationship. We have to be the ones who open ourselves and ask God into our life, and I am not sure many of us realize what that kind of relationship really is and what it will mean in our everyday life.

What does it mean to have a deep and intimate relationship with God?

Spiritual love and a deep and intimate relationship with God means that God will enter into the middle of everything in our life. God will be in the things we are proud of and happy about, in the things we are ashamed of and want to hide, in the not-so-nice things we want to get away with, in our money, in our jobs, in our relationships, in our learning, in our jokes, in our love life and our parenting. Basically, that kind of relationship puts God at the center of the good, the bad and the ugly. This spiritual love relationship puts God in the center of anything and everything you and I could ever imagine. And it will change everything about the way we live and relate to everyone and everything on a daily basis. 

Now please understand, for those of us who want meaning and purpose, fulfillment and peace, and a genuine understanding and experience of unconditional love and acceptance, this spiritual love relationship is life-giving. But for those who want to keep their self-centeredness intact and exercise personal control over as much of the world as possible, it just won’t work very well. 

So, on a more concrete level, what really changes with this deep and intimate, spiritual love relationship with God?

I guess the short answer to that question is that we change. Think about your best and longest relationship with a dear friend. What are the things that have given that relationship its longevity and meaning for you? If I were to guess, I’d say that the following would be on your list:

• Trust and the knowledge that this friend is someone who can be depended upon to “be there” even if he or she can’t “fix it” when you need him or her. 
• During times when you are confused, need advice or just someone to listen without judgement or even comment, this friend is someone you will call. 
• This person knows you and accepts you for who and what you are and feels no need to judge or fix you. 

Finally, I also might guess this friend has been with you through some difficult times and has helped you to grow and change for the better into the person you are now. Growth and change may not have been either of your intentions, but by virtue of the relationship it just happened. You see, in deep and intimate friendships we tend to find out about ourselves as much as we find out about our friends.

Those are the kinds of things that happen when we ask God to into a spiritual love relationship with us. God becomes that trusted and loving friend who helps to guide us, who listens without judgement and the desire to fix it or us, who accepts us and loves us as we are but also helps us to grow and change for the better throughout our life.

But most important, our relationship with God helps us to find ourselves. God helps us to find the real person within that we desperately want and aspire to become. 

That kind of spiritual love relationship with God changes everything for the better, if that is what we are really seeking. If not, God will still be there, open to whatever kind of relationship we are willing to offer, so that sooner or later we can open ourselves to something deeper and more life giving. 

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