Overcoming Negativity

One of the biggest obstacles to experiencing God's presence isn't what is happening around us. More often, it's what is happening inside our own minds.

Many of us develop habits of thinking that quietly shape the way we see ourselves, other people, and even God. Over time, these thought patterns become so familiar that we stop noticing them. They simply become "the way life is."

It shouldn't surprise us that our culture encourages this. Negative thinking often seems more realistic, more responsible, and even more intelligent than hopeful thinking. We hear bad news all day long. We prepare for what might go wrong far more than we celebrate what is going right.

Researchers at Penn State University illustrated this in an interesting study. They asked people in both Chicago and Mexico City to list as many emotions as they could think of. The words were then classified as positive, negative, or neutral.

The results were striking. Regardless of culture, age, or social background, people knew far more words that described negative emotions than positive ones. About 50 percent of the words were negative, 30 percent were positive, and 20 percent were neutral.

Why?

The researchers suggested that negative emotions are triggered whenever we focus on what seems dangerous, threatening, or wrong. Human beings naturally pay attention to potential problems because, throughout history, being alert to danger has often helped us survive.

While that tendency may help us recognize physical danger, it can also trap us in a mindset that constantly expects disappointment, failure, conflict, or loss.

Paul offers a different approach in his letter to the Romans. He suggests that rather than allowing ourselves to be shaped by the thinking patterns of the culture around us, we are invited to let God transform us by renewing our minds. In other words, God wants to teach us a completely different way of looking at life.

So how do we begin letting go of our focus on negativity?

The first step is simply becoming aware of the habits of thought that have taken root in our minds.

How Do We Get Trapped In Negative Patterns Of Thinking?

Polarized thinking — Everything is either wonderful or terrible. If I'm not perfect, then I'm a complete failure. There is no middle ground.

Jumping to conclusions — "I have an idea for a project at work, but everyone will probably hate it. They'll think it's foolish, and I might even lose my job."

Personalizing — "My friend seems upset today. I must have done something wrong."

The "shoulds" — "People should always act a certain way." When we don't live up to our own expectations, we feel guilty. When others don't, we become angry or judgmental.

Catastrophizing — Assuming the worst possible outcome. "Nothing ever works out for me." "What if this happens? What if that happens?" Before long, our minds are creating disasters that haven't even occurred.

Filtering — Fixating on one negative detail until it overshadows everything else. A hundred good things may happen, but we focus on the one criticism or disappointment.

There are many other examples, but these are enough to help us recognize how easily our minds can become stuck in destructive patterns.

The goal isn't simply to stop thinking negatively. The goal is to create room for God to reshape the way we think so we can experience life differently.

The Trouble Bush

Many years ago, I had a friend who was, without question, one of the most negative people I had ever known. No matter what happened, he could almost always find the dark cloud behind the silver lining.

Eventually, he sought help from a therapist, who suggested a surprisingly simple exercise.

The therapist told him to buy a small bush and plant it beside his front door. It became known as his "Trouble Bush."

The first time I watched him come home from work, I had no idea what he was doing. As we walked toward the front door, he stopped beside the bush. Then he began pretending to remove invisible burdens from around his neck and shoulders, carefully hanging each one on the branches.

Nothing was actually hanging there, of course, and I remember wondering whether my friend had finally lost touch with reality.

Once we were inside, I asked what he had been doing.

He smiled and explained that every evening he intentionally imagined taking all of his worries, frustrations, resentments, and negative thoughts and leaving them on the Trouble Bush before walking into the house.

The agreement was simple.

Once he entered his home, he was not allowed to pick those troubles back up again until the next morning.

He told me the exercise made an enormous difference. He didn't have to eliminate his worries. He simply gave himself permission to take a break from carrying them.

Even more interesting, he discovered that when he went outside the next morning to "pick them back up," many of the problems didn't seem nearly as overwhelming as they had the night before. Some had resolved themselves. Others weren't nearly as important after a good night's sleep. A few had disappeared from his memory altogether.

Did he become a completely positive person?

No.

But he became much better at managing his negativity, and the difference in his happiness was obvious.

Sometimes we all need our own version of a Trouble Bush.

Practical Ways to Break Free from Negative Thinking

There are many healthy ways to interrupt negative thought patterns and create space for God to renew our minds. Here are a few that I have found especially helpful.

Write your thoughts down instead of carrying them around in your head.

Negative thoughts tend to grow stronger when they simply circle endlessly in our minds. Writing them on paper often helps us see them more objectively. Once they're outside of us, they're usually much easier to evaluate and let go.

Replace negativity with something positive.

Years ago, while counseling someone who had lived with anger for many years, I heard something I've never forgotten.

She said, "I'm afraid to let go of my anger because I don't know what I'd put in its place."

That was an honest insight.

We can't simply remove a lifelong habit of thinking without replacing it with something healthier.

At first, that replacement doesn't have to be deeply spiritual. It might be spending time with a beloved pet, listening to music that lifts your spirit, walking in nature, or being with someone who brings you peace.

Eventually, however, we want those places of comfort to lead us toward the greatest replacement of all—the awareness of God's unconditional love and acceptance.

Practice gratitude every day.

Gratitude is one of the most powerful antidotes to negativity.

The more we notice the quiet blessings woven throughout ordinary life, the less control negativity has over us.

Sometimes gratitude is found in very simple things—a beautiful sunset, birds singing outside the window, flowers blooming after a rain, the laughter of a child, or the smile of a stranger.

Keep a gratitude list. Add to it often. Then, whenever you find yourself sliding into discouragement, read it again.

Learn to reframe difficult moments.

When today feels overwhelming, don't assume tomorrow will feel the same.

A difficult day is rarely the whole story.

Try looking at today's struggle in the context of the coming month—or even your entire life. Every life includes seasons of hardship and seasons of joy. The pendulum always swings.

God is always at work, even when we can't yet see the outcome.

None of these practices are magic formulas. But each one can help quiet the constant stream of negativity that keeps us distracted and discouraged.

As we learn to recognize unhealthy thought patterns and intentionally replace them with healthier ones, we create room for God to renew our minds. Little by little, our perspective begins to change. We become more peaceful, more hopeful, and more aware of God's presence in everyday life.

We begin to experience life differently because it has become more open to the transforming presence of God.

---

---

1. Home Page