Happy Marriage
What does it take to make a happy marriage? Have you ever noticed that most children's stories and fairy tales end with the same line? It seems that "and they all lived happily ever after" is how most of us would like to have our lives turn out. It seems to be especially true when it comes to a happy marriage. Most people go into it with the idea that, like a fairy tale, their marriage relationship will begin with love, joy and excitement, it will overcome all obstacles throughout their lives, and end with “and they all lived happily ever after.” That’s not impossible, and it’s an excellent goal, but it is far from easy. It takes a tremendous amount of energy and effort for marriage to turn out that way.
Mark Twain once said, "Living happily ever after depends a great deal on what you're after." And I believe that statement is very true.
So, since we are not characters in a children’s story or a fairy tale, when we think seriously about the subject of marriage, we have to ask ourselves, “What are we really after?” It is the same question for someone just thinking of marriage for the first time as it is for someone who has been married for many years. What do we want out of marriage? What does the other person want from marriage? What are we expecting? What is it going to cost us and them? What are we really after?
At the beginning of the movie Pretty Woman, the two main characters are both unhappy. One is a prostitute, who has almost no belongings, nothing to call her own and wanders the streets of Los Angeles selling herself, a choice that does not bring her any sense of happiness or self-worth. The other character is a millionaire, who has virtually everything money can buy but is still grossly unhappy because he finds no sense of happiness or self-worth in his money or his power.
During the film, the two meet and enter into a business arrangement that they each think will make them happier than they are now. But what they find is that neither money, nor sex, nor power, nor the satisfaction of outsmarting the other brings them happiness. Instead, it is the loving and respectful relationship that grows between them which brings each of them a sense of peace, fulfillment and happiness. And (spoiler alert!!) the film ends like a fairy tale, with the man coming to carry off the woman into a lifetime of love and happy marriage. And they live happily ever after.
Why do they live happily ever after? Well first and foremost, it’s a movie and it is written in the script that way. On the surface, the story seems to be about two people who have found the perfect person who will fulfill all their needs and desires. But in reality, that is not why they live happily ever after.
The truth is that as their relationship unfolded, they allowed honesty and vulnerability with each other to happen. And in doing so, they each found a true sense of self in the openness and sincerity that developed as they grew closer to each other. They found their own worth and their own identity in the loving relationship that grew and bound them together. You see, that openness and honesty, rather than just getting what we think we want is what marriage and living happily ever after is all about.
Living happily ever after in a nutshell.
So,if you are after finding yourself, your sense of self-worth, and your identity in a loving and self-giving relationship with someone who is seeking the same thing from you, and if both of you are willing to put in the energy and effort to build and maintain that relationship, then living happily is not just a fairy tale after all.